The Daily Glow: An E-space for Healing and Growth
Why do healthy relationships feel “boring”?
Within our article Dating the "medium-ugly" guy might be better for your mental health we address the possibility of dating the "medium-ugly" guy with hopes of finding a healthy partner, outside of physical appearance. Dating the "square" or "poindexter" can feel boring or unfulfilling, especially if this relationship follows a more toxic one. According to Psychology Today, here are three reasons why healthy relationships feel boring and bore some people. Relationships that feel like rollercoasters have become the norm for you You are accustomed to overextending yourself and ignore your needs Due to conditioning, you believe that healthy and consistent relationships are boring Safe and secure relationships can feel boring at times and it's important to consider are these feelings related to past experiences. Lean into the feelings of safety and security. Share your needs and insecurities often. You deserve a a love that feels safe! 3 Reasons Why Healthy Relationships Bore Some People | Psychology Today. (n.d.). Www.psychologytoday.com. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-dating/202212/3-reasons-you-feel-bored-by-a-healthy-relationship
Why do healthy relationships feel “boring”?
Within our article Dating the "medium-ugly" guy might be better for your mental health we address the possibility of dating the "medium-ugly" guy with hopes of finding a healthy partner, outside of physical...
3 Easy Steps To Start And Run A Book Club With Friends
Finding time to read can be a hassle and navigating adult friendships can be difficult, especially amidst such demanding schedules. How do you find time to spend time with friends, when time feels limited? A book club is a great start! If you're considering starting a book club with your friends or curious about how to find book clubs, here are three easy steps to get started. Don't worry the tips are introvert and busy schedule friendly. How to start a book club with friends? Step one: find friends who are willing to commit to the book club and who will be involved The Reese Witherspoon Book Club is most notable for bringing people together through their love for literature and reading. Find inspo. for book club ideas/activities on virtual platforms such as Pinterest, Goodreads, and Tik Tok. There’s something special about starting a book club, and building community through one's love for literature. Finding willing and able participants is a great start for those interested in learning how to start a book club at school or how to start a book club online. Step two: as a group select the book that you would like to read When engaging in a book club online and starting a book club with friends, deciding which book to select can be a challenge. Our favorite online book club platform is Goodreads. Here's your personal book club invite to our book club 'Pot Liquor For The Soul.' We typically add books to a list and peek at other user's reviews for inspiration in order to determine if a book selection is the right fit. We happened to stumble upon our most recent book selection, ‘The House of Eve’ simply by searching “books for black girls” on Tik Tok. Keep an open mind when selecting attempting to select a book. Step three: Start a group chat! As you transition through the book use emojis and texts to document your reactions by chapter and to signify which chapters you've completed to the members of your book club. This approach adds new meaning to online book clubs. Often times, having to recap full chapters and find the words for your reactions can be tiring and take away from the experience. They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Let the emojis do the talking. Within ‘Not Another Think Piece’ episode two, we discuss how we managed to engage in our first summer book club, and offered a book review of the novel 'The House of Eve.' "38" signifies the chapter and the emojis are the person's reaction to the chapter. We found that utilizing text message reactions, gifs, and short responses worked best for our busy work and school schedules. This is by far the simplest book club guide and instruction to get started. Many people are now homebodies, simply because free third spaces are becoming obsolete, and most activities are expensive, involve drinking, or lack creativity. A book club via text is a great method to build and maintain community. Also, once we finished the book we hosted a book club picnic! We came together in person and debriefed about the novel overall. How to run a book club discussion? When attempting to engage in a book club discussion with your friends, KISS. Keep it simple silly. Less is more when engaging in a book club discussion, because most times the conversation will go in many directions. As you read note themes, reactions, and thoughts. What questions are coming up for you as you are reading the chapter? What are you thoughts on particular characters? As you begin to discuss the book, ask your friends open-ended questions. This will allow the conversation to expand. Also, make predictions, but no spoilers! Lavar Burton would be proud! Reading is amazing and it's important to find ways to build community. It's especially important to find affordable activities to engage friends and maintain healthy friendships. What friends are you willing to ask to join your book club? Which book would you want to read first and why? Happy reading!
3 Easy Steps To Start And Run A Book Club With Friends
Finding time to read can be a hassle and navigating adult friendships can be difficult, especially amidst such demanding schedules. How do you find time to spend time with friends, when...
Are Traumatized Women “Less Feminine”?
What does it mean to be “traumatized” or have experienced trauma? According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5-TR), trauma is defined as exposure to actual or threatened death, serious injury, or sexual violence. This can include: Direct experience: Experiencing the traumatic event directly Witnessing: Witnessing the event in person as it happened to others Indirect exposure: Learning that a close friend or family member experienced the event Repeated exposure: Being repeatedly exposed to details of the event An individual that is traumatized may experience distress and significant impairment. Everyone reacts differently to trauma, however many women have found that they are often incapable of identifying with “soft life” and “demure” culture because they display more culturally masculine traits, as a result of their life experiences. While masculine characteristics and feminine characteristics are subjective, those that have expressed an inability to tap into their softer and gentler side fault their trauma and upbringing. Those that have experienced parentification within their development, express that allowing others to lead and asking for help are difficult tasks to overcome. Parentification or parent-child role reversal, is defined as a child or adolescent placed in inappropriate and often burdensome roles to support or maintain the family system. For children and adolescents that have been placed in the parent and caretaker role, they often struggle emotionally and socially within adulthood. Many often experience forms of burnout early because of the responsibilities and expectations of their childhood. Stress is also often a contributing factor in one’s feeling of presenting “less feminine.” Stress is not only a silent killer, but can throw your nervous system completely out of whack. Those that experience high levels of stress are often in a constant state of activation and urgency. Chronic stress, which is pervasive, in comparison to Acute Stress has the potential to increase health concerns, meath health symptoms, and has a detrimental impact on one’s overall functionality and quality of life. How might Chronic Stress present itself and impact you? Body aches and pains Energy decrease Loss or significant changes to appetite Sleep changes Nervousness or feelings of anxiousness Changes in social behavior Headaches and Migraines and much more Stress management is not only paramount, but a survival essential. Many have often shared that they feel “ugly” or undesirable due to an inability to engage in self-care and self maintenance. “I’m stressed and I’m ugly!” As the saying goes, when you look good, you feel good. Make intentional attempts at incorporating moments of self-care and stress management into your everyday schedule. Pay yourself first! You pay a job with your time every time you clock in. You pay an institution every time you show up! What’s holding you back from paying yourself? Femininity can be a feeling and a mindset. Your feminine presentation may differ drastically from someone else's, which is okay! So, you're not the coquette, pink bow wearing type, does that make you less of a woman if you don't and more if you do? Life is a learning curve, and it's important to identify what works best for you. In my own journey towards understanding my own femininity and feminine presentation, I utilized these tips to lean less on what society deems as more masculine traits in an attempt to define womanhood and what femininity looks like to me. Even the bible says "guard your heart", but it's important to identify the distinction between avoidance and protection. Both present similar, but one is often rooted in fear, requires a hardening of one's self, and appears more on the defensive side. Are you often hyper-independent? Do you display traits of reservation, distance, and those of an enigma? Are you hyper-critical of yourself or others? Do you struggle with trusting others and asking for help? If you related to any of the questions above, I think it's time to reconnect with yourself. Explore where these traits stem from and identify if they are helpful or harmful? Ways that we tap into our feminine side and feminine energy: Movement Finding a good fragrance that makes us feel feminine Engaging in identity reformation and exploring harmful and helpful beliefs and ideals surrounding femininity and womanhood that we hold Finding empowerment and inspiration from our Sheroes (combination of she and heroes.) That embody our definition of femininity and feminine energy Avoid comparing ourselves to others and making attempts at not falling victim to the latest trends providing new and unattainable standards of femininity Self expression Empowering and complimenting other woman Smiling, when we want to, rather than when we are told to Complimenting and praising unique aspects of ourselves Allowing others to help us and not shaming ourselves after Wearing clothes that allow us to feel feminine and countless other activities and practices that make us feel beautiful, seen, and safe Many of us are in survival mode and are unaware. You are not more or less feminine for not wearing bows or the faintest hue of pink. Femininity is strong, assertive, powerful, but also gentle, meticulous, and free-flowing. Yes, you may have experienced significant trauma and events that altered how you present within and navigate the world. However, one's trauma history does not make an individual less or more feminine. Somehow we have weaponized femininity, when it's truly an individual experience. In closing, here are a few prompts to help you understand and tap into your feminine energy. Feminine energy journal prompts: How do you define your feminine energy? What does it look like? What does it feel like? How do others react to it? When do you feel the most feminine? The contents of Sincerely Sanguine's (SS) Site, such as text, graphics, images, and other material contained on the SS Site (“Content”) are for informational purposes only. The Content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on the SS Site. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor or 911 or local emergency number immediately. SS does not recommend or endorse any specific tests, physicians, products, procedures, opinions, or other information that may be mentioned on the Site. Reliance on any information provided by SS, SS employees, others appearing on the Site at the invitation of SS, or other visitors to the Site is solely at your own risk. The Site and the Content are provided on an “as is” basis.
Are Traumatized Women “Less Feminine”?
What does it mean to be “traumatized” or have experienced trauma? According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5-TR), trauma is defined as exposure to actual or...
Watch Review: Inside Out 2 Details Pros Of Having Anxiety?
Inside out 2 features new emotions, but the movie was a real snoozer! Nothing compares to Inside Out 1, due to its honest and unique approach at such complex topics, and use of emotion (no pun intended.) However, after watching Inside Out 2, the message is important and once you fight through the plot, the moral will hit you where it hurts. I am aware that the movie was intended for kids, yet it felt a bit too childish in comparison to the first movie. Many people are still recovering from the scene with Bing Bong. The jokes and comedic elements fell short and I felt disconnected from the overall storyline. Again, I am past the teeny bopper age, but connecting with and enjoying children's movies is not uncommon for me. Nonetheless, I held on strong and I would say the last 15-25 minutes of the movie shifted my rating from two stars to three. No spoilers, but here are five takeaways to keep near and dear to your heart from Inside Out 2! Anxiety is not 100% bad, but when left to it's own devises it can become dangerous and out of control The Inside out 2 Anxiety character was a tornado! As viewers, we identify that Anxiety's intention was to help Riley and one can argue that Anxiety wanted the best for Riley. Yet, to offer another perspective, one can also argue that Anxiety had its own best interest in mind. Was Anxiety pushing Riley to perfection for her, or to appease its own needs? Unfortunately, Anxiety utilized false beliefs and fear of the unknown to drive Riley over the edge. Similar to fear, anxiety worked within Riley's body to amplify worry, nervousness, and uneasiness. Anxiety thrived in thoughts of the past, fear of the future and unknown, hyper fixations, and hypotheticals. As the movie progresses, we watch Anxiety evolve to a point of uncontrollability, which forces Riley to abandon her core beliefs, abandon her friends, and lose complete control of her emotions. In the end, Anxiety remains within Riley, but through the assistance of Joy and the other emotions, Anxiety has the necessary tools to manage their feelings and beliefs. To truly work with Riley, instead of against her. Perfection is the thief of joy Riley was a star hockey player and enjoyed the sport. She loved playing with her friends, however once the stakes elevated and her anxiety began to peak she abandoned her love for the game, and replaced it with a love for approval and acceptance. With perfection, we see that we can’t completely blame Anxiety. Instead, we identify that Joy also contributes to Riley’s untimely breakdown. Which brings me to the next key takeaway! Joy and happiness are important, but when used as a form of manipulation both can become toxic Joy was inadvertently manipulating Riley’s core beliefs and memories to spotlight her more positive qualities and manipulate her account. To protect Riley, Joy believed that suppression and avoidance was necessary to maintain Riley’s self-image and sense of self. Joy eliminated moments of embarrassment, guilt, shame, and many others creating a pseudo image of perfection, similar to Anxiety. As Joy engages in toxic positivity while on the journey, eventually she cracks under the pressure, abandoning the toxic positivity and openly expressing her true feelings. Joy, like Anxiety, was attempting to transform Riley into who she wanted her to become, rather than who she was. Riley is a flawed and complex developing young girl. However, at her core and left to her own influence, her values remain true when they are not influenced by anxiety or false positivity. Be yourself and those who love you for you, will show up and remain true My favorite scene within the movie, was Riley's worst moment. As to not spoile the movie, I can share that as someone that has experienced panic or anxiety attacks, they're not fun. They're actually scary and invoke feelings of a lack of control of your own body. During Riley's darkest and loneliest moment, her friend saw her. Even after Riley dismissed her, amidst other things, Riley's friend showed up for her. Riley was attempting to impress a group of girls that did not know her (the real her), let alone like her. Riley's friends knew her, the real her, when she needed them the most they showed up and supported her. Remain true to yourself and the people that love you for you will stick around. The self-talk that we engage in and beliefs that we hold are important and powerful! "I am not enough" roared through the theater and I wept a bit. Riley went from having such high self-esteem and values, to not knowing who she was or what she was capable of. Been there! A pivotal moment in the movie is when Joy realizes that she must abandon the old core belief, the one rooted in her influence and allow Riley to foster her own core belief. Once Joy removed the original core belief, Riley's true beliefs begin to manifest. The good, bad, and ugly, however at the core of her core belief her true self shined through. In closing, your emotions are not fact, but they are important and impactful! Caring about the future and accessing the past is necessary, however avoid allowing these thoughts to consume you! "Be where your feet are." I will say, sadness really held it down within this movie and unfortunately we villainize negative emotions, but they are necessary components of the human experience. My sister fell asleep, but woke up once the movie started to pick up momentum. My God-mom did not fall a sleep which is a good sign, but the movie was indeed still a snoozer. Watch it for yourself and let us know your thoughts!
Watch Review: Inside Out 2 Details Pros Of Having Anxiety?
Inside out 2 features new emotions, but the movie was a real snoozer! Nothing compares to Inside Out 1, due to its honest and unique approach at such complex topics, and...
Never Going Back to Fresno: Moving out of a Toxic Household
When things started to get bad within my toxic household, I knew I needed out, but the method of how to get out of a toxic household was unclear to me. For years I confided in therapists, close friends, and family members expressing that my toxic home environment was negatively impacting my mental health. "Just move out" was their solution, but how? Also, constantly hearing the question, "when are you moving out" irked me because these same people who were pressuring me to move out, would turn a blind eye, if I were to move out, fall short on the rent, and become homeless. Couch surfing and house hopping were not uncommon in my childhood, and for the first time in years I had a consistent place to stay. However, the events within the home were creating an environment unfit for children. As the eldest daughter and child, I did my best to speak up and seek help, but to no avail my concerns were dismissed. My professor once said "it's difficult to heal while, you're still in it" and this sentiment reigns true. Therefore, I am here to tell someone that moving out to help me heal was the catalyst of something great! I never imagined that I could move out of my toxic home, especially while navigating a toxic parent in adulthood. Yet, I'm here and I'm doing it and you can too! Growing Up in a Toxic Household Growing up in a toxic household fosters depression, anxiety, and other mental illnesses within the most resilient of individuals. For children, there is a sense of helplessness and a lack of safety. For individuals that are growing up in toxic households or within an environment with toxic people, secluded spaces such as the bedroom or bathroom become sanctuaries. Isolation and reclusion are also apparent in individuals growing up in a toxic household. For me I compromised eating to avoid the toxic people and activities within my home. For hours I would remain in my room, waiting for the "guests" to leave. I would avoid common areas and when spotted engage in quick greetings with minimal eye contact. They would attempt to partake in small talk, but I was uninterested and quite frankly they could care less about me and the happenings of my life. The new reality of the 21st century is middle aged adults living with parents. Adult children are living with their parents to cut costs and maintain adequate housing in an economy where housing and food costs are astronomically high. Nonetheless, these same adult children are forced to weigh the psychological effects of moving back home. When I was a kid, there was the stereotypical adult child that lived in the basement, played videos games, and remained unemployed. In a way many of us (in our own ways) are the adult child in the basement. Moving back in with parents to save money was my reality, after my freshman year of college I became a commuter and never left. Unfortunately, throughout the final three years of my college journey my toxic home environment nearly pushed me over the edge. However, two years after I graduated things started to look up for me. The individual that contributed negatively to my home environment, stopped coming around. I was free, or so I thought! To cope with and in an attempt at learning how to deal with a toxic home environment, I looked outside of the home. After, I purchased my first car and met a boy. While my toxic home life somewhat improved, the incessant arguing and door slamming contributed greatly to my anxiety and I needed out. I figured that being with that individual was better than being in my home and as a result, I laid my standards down by the river side and was laid up with a boy in his mother's house as late as 3am. The relationship between myself and the boy was toxic, unhealthy, and confusing for me. After taking a good look at the situation, I realized that he wasn't for me. I wrote myself a letter stating that if I never speak to him again, after a year from the date of the letter, present me will gift future me $500 to spend anywhere. Long story short, I bought myself my first Tiffany necklace with the money from the bet and I never spoke to that boy again. Which brings me to a great point, which I discuss in the podcast episode on the 'Not Another Think Piece' podcast. Dating while in a toxic household and navigating a toxic home environment is difficult, because sometimes you'll settle for new devils simply to avoid what's happening in your home. Instead of looking for a man to save me, which I was inadvertently doing. I started to form hobbies, which taught me how to deal with a toxic home environment. While working in a non-profit organization in Boston (the best job ever.) My co-worker and friend taught me how to fish, which taught me the importance of solitude, stillness, and patience. I also learned how to crochet, which showed me the importance of creating items from scratch. One week my boss allowed me to head home early for about 3-4 days because I was severely under the weather. Within that time, I felt compelled to revamp my childhood room. At this time, my youngest sister had moved into another room and for the first time I had my own room. With a fever, I stripped and repainted the entire room in 3-4 days, which allowed me to not only feel more comfortable within the space, but to also feel more inclined to post move videos on my Tik Tok. How to get out of a toxic household I categorized that year as the best year of my life and I have a video montage to prove it, however, unfortunately when life started to look up, terrible things began to happen in my toxic home. Yet, I took advantage of the opportunity at hand. Yes I was constantly triggered and forced to encounter adults that were fostering an unhealthy and toxic environment, but I was living rent free! I listened as others complained about rent prices and the perils of adulthood, and became complicit in the toxicity of my home. I was afforded the luxury of disposable income, trips, and adventures out the wazoo, because I was willing to compromise my sanity for fun. However, eventually I had to ask myself "how are you contributing to your unhappiness?" Two people approached me about moving in with them, however, in both instances the individuals were only looking for apartments for themselves. Also, in a way they were also attempting to escape their toxic home life and I did not want to serve as someone's ticket to freedom, and compromise my peace as a result. The roommate thing and sharing is not my strongest trait, therefore I was unwilling to compromise my peace, in attempt to provide someone else with theirs. I wanted someone to move-in with me because they enjoyed me, not because they were running from something else. After asking myself that question I had to get real with the fact that I was scared of leaving my toxic home environment because of the security and privileges that I was afforded. I had plans of buying a home and saved enough for a downpayment, however after an incident that left me in tears uttering the phrase, "I can't live here anymore" sparked my need to move immediately. How to move out of a toxic parents house/Tips for moving out for the first time: I lived alone briefly in college, but I never lived in an apartment or outside of Massachusetts for that matter. Once I decided that I could no longer deal with my toxic home life, I planned and I executed and here's how I did it. Step one: How to move out of your parents home with no money The first plan of action is to get money! I created a bucket within my high yield savings account, which is a savings account that pays you an annual percentage yield (APY), or what I like to call free money/interest based on the sum of money within an account. I titled the bucket 'Never Going Back to Fresno' inspired by Toni Childs in Girlfriends. In the episode where Toni, Lynn, and Maya are disclosing "secrets" while at lunch, Toni shares that within her 'Never Going Back to Fresno' account she has almost half a million dollars, as a security of ensuring that she never go back to Fresno. I saved upwards to $20,000 within that account, and never touched it. Q: How much to save before moving out of your parents house A: I aimed for around $10,000, but it's dependent on your area and anticipated rent and additional costs Step two: How to secretly move out Loose lips sink ships! If possible, tell only those that will be involved in the move. For your safety tell someone that you trust and who can support you during this time. The only reason my family found out I was moving was because I found a couch on FB Marketplace and I needed help picking it up. From then, the news spread. Upon finding out that I was moving I received an array of messages stating that I was going to regret my decision, once I leave I possibly can't come back (which is the hope), and that I was moving off of emotion and I wasn't thinking. Once I did move, I received secondhand notice that I abandoned my parent and that I now had an isolation issue that was cause for concern. A bunch of hoopla if you ask me. Tell only those that you can trust and if for any reason you feel that the move will become violent or put you at harm, seek the necessary help and resources immediately! Many of us have left or are in the process of leaving home because of our parents. I was told that I would appear "more mature," if I explained where I was going and it would foster peace of mind on my parent's end. Yet, I countered by expressing that hopefully when I have children I create an environment where they don't feel compelled to have a shotgun move-out because of the environment that I created within the home. Establishing boundaries with parents and other people during this time will be necessary and vital for operation finding place of peace. During this period of my life, I am not necessarily no contact with toxic family and family members, however, I am in no rush to reach out or return to my childhood home. Step three: Apartment hunting tips Apartment hunting websites: Craiglists Zilliow Apartments.com Facebook Marketplace Believe it or not, I found my current apartment on Craigslist! Always be safe, make sure that communication is clear and that if possible you tour the apartment with someone else. Also, if it's too good to be true, it probably is! When communicating with the listing agent or apartment owner, ensure that communication is concise and straightforward. Wrong message: Hi is this apartment still available? This is wrong because there is a lack of urgency, intent, and information. Right message: Hi! I am interested in touring the property! What dates and times work best for you? They may ask for pre-qualification information and conduct a credit check (after touring), but never, under any circumstance, give out personal information via messenger. Bonus tip: You catch my flies with sugar than sh*t! Be nice and courteous, but remember that you don't owe them anything more! Bonus bonus tip: Never give them your real phone number and personal email. During my apartment hunting period I always gave out a google voice number and utilized my school email. Questions to ask before renting an apartment/Questions to ask a landlord/What to ask when touring an apartment Is there a service fee to turn on utilities? If applicable, how much? Can I tour the unit that I will be staying in, rather than a vacant unit? Community Safety Total monthly fees Approval requirements and total move-in costs Escrow account for security deposit Internet providers you work with Move-in specials on units (for luxury apartments) How is rent collected? What's included in the rent? (water, gas, electric) How does maintenance work? How many times a year are inspections? Pet-friendly? Types of pets? Have you seen or received any complaints or concerns about roaches, bed bugs, and rodents within the past 3 months? Mail and theft safety Response time of landlord or leasing office? Cameras on the property and what are they used for? Lease break fee and process? (If you have a child under the age of 6) Is this property de-leaded? When did the de-leading take place? Who is responsible for snow removal and landscape? Parking and guests How are grievances amongst tenants addressed? Who is or are the point of contact(s) for tenants? Trash day and pick up process? Does this town or city require special bags or bins? Amenities within the unit and shared (if applicable) While engaging in the first initial walk through, make mental notes of damages or areas where you could become liable. Address them and ask if they will be fixed before move-in. Before the initial move-in date, conduct a final walkthrough to ensure that the unit or apartment is to a livable standard and the necessary changes have been made. While this is not every question worth asking, these serve as important questions to ask when renting an apartment. Think of this as your questions to ask when renting an apartment checklist. From my POV, when considering questions to ask when renting an apartment for the first time, these were heavy hitters. When you mention an Escrow account and de-leading, they know that you mean business. Also, through these questions you can gauge how involved the leasing office or landlord are with the property and tenants. During my period of moving-out, I was also studying to take my real estate exam. I have since passed and the information I learned while studying helped guide my search and line of questioning. What to bring when viewing an apartment Flashlight to look behind the fridge, cracks, and crevices for signs of mice droppings. You're also looking for the landlord special. The landlord special is when the landlord (or his crew) paint over areas of concern to cover and conceal. A pen and notebook to document questions and important information Another person if possible for your safety Dress business casual ID A smile A Camera What to look for when viewing an apartment The number of outlets and where they are located Visit the property early in the morning and in the evening to see who hangs around the property, how many people go to work, and the overall atmosphere. How you feel about the landlord or individual showing you the property. Do you get scammy vibes, if so, run! Noise levels Security Who comes into the building and out of the building Check online reviews beforehand If you pass a tenant, ask them about their experience within the facility Businesses and schools within the surrounding area Nearest police station Signs of rodents (traps and droppings) and bugs (webs and bug carcasses) Run the water of each tap, faucet, and spigot and access how long the water takes to heat up Look at your phone and check your service (is it terrible in certain areas of the house, or is it terrible overall?) Look at how well the facility is maintained outside of the unit (trash, dirt, unkept lawn, etc.) Be on the look out for signs of mold or poor ventilation in the bathroom Look for windows and how well the unit is lit with natural lighting Once you have decided that you would like to move-in and have provided the security deposit (if applicable), conduct a final walkthrough as stated previously and take lots of pictures. Take pictures of dents, scratches on the floors, chips, anything that they can blame on you when it's time to move out. Take as much time as you need! Emailing the pictures with a forwarding address for your security deposit is the next step! Q: Income requirements for renting an apartment A: They typically state, three times the rent. Q: Documents needed to rent an apartment A: Typically proof of income through pay stub or an offer letter. Landlords often ask to check your credit and may conduct a background check. As to comply with fair housing, if you are asked for a background check everyone is required to engage in a background check. Financial Tips for Moving out for the first time Save more than you think you'll need Live below your means and don't go broke trying to impress broke people! Consider all moving costs If possible ask family members to help you move to cut costs and pay them Ask more people than you think you'll need just in case Rent one size large than you think you'll need for a U-Haul Bring the more fragile items to the apartment in your car before move-in day Create a separate savings account for apartment expenses and only use the funds for their intended use Step four: Moving out checklist Before you officially move-out, about a month before you move out make mental notes (or physical notes) of everything you use and touch within your current home. Toilet paper, spices, ingredients within the fridge, toothpaste, etc. Doing this will provide you with the general framework of the everyday items that you will need when moving out. Unfortunately, I was too eager to leave and packed a month early. As a result I was sleeping on the floor until I was able to officially move and was living out of boxes. Tips for moving out for the first time Use FB Marketplace to purchase secondhand items such as pots, pans, home decor, etc. People were willing to give me a deal once I disclosed that I was collecting items for my first apartment. Also, don't be afraid to haggle. I am the queen of FB marketplace. Bad message: Is this still available? Good Message: Hi I am interested in this item? Is the price firm of are you open to the best offer? Also, which days work best for you in terms of pick up? Sell old items on FB marketplace! I sold my old futon bed frame for free and convinced the purchaser to give me a tip because I had to carry the bed down a flight of stairs alone and I tightened the screws for her! Easiest $20 I made in my life! Again, similar to finding apartments on craigslist, be safe and avoid scams! Assess the pros and cons of each place that you tour and don't hold back. For one tour I was told "if your car is towed, call the landlord" and the parking spaces in the back of the home were flooded because of poor drainage. RED FLAG! Read the contract/leasing agreement in it's entirety and ask questions Deep clean the apartment before you move your stuff in Pray over the apartment (if applicable) Take time to celebrate such a major accomplishment! Unpopular opinion: I believe in waiting until you move-in before stockpiling on cleaning supplies and other items because someone has to carry that in the move. Moving out cleaning tips: Pack and clean a little every day, that way you're not overwhelmed. Utilize FB Marketplace for free boxes and ask around Learn to close your boxes without tape (this was a major game changer for me) Get rid of what you don't need! Moving out for the first time check list: Things you might not think of but need... Tool Box Screw Set Caulk Toilet Paper Trash Bags Matches/Lighter Advil/Ibprophen First Aid Kit Band-Aids Hydrogen Peroxide Rubbing Alcohol Stud Finder Flashlight Drain Cleaner Batteries Printer + Paper. Wifi Fan or AC Safe Outlets Pens/ Stationary material Kitchen List: Cutlery (Spoons, Knives, Forks) Plates Bowls Mugs Cups Pots Pans Spatula Cutting Board Paper Towel (or Rags) Tupperware Oven mitts Strainer Grater Can Opener Baking Sheet Microwave (if not in-unit) Kitchen Scissors Tongs Skillet Tea Kettle Toaster Wine Glasses Dish drying rack Trash Bin Dish soap Moving out pro tip: A skillet serves as the universal cooking pan! Laundry Baking soda Bags or bin Detergent Cleaning Supplies: Broom w/ dust pan Mop Toilet Cleaner Sponge or rag Toilet Brush Plunger Vacuum Bathroom: Bath mat Shower curtain, rod, and hooks if applicable Towels Rags Toilet Paper Gloves Stool (if necessary) Toilet Brush Plunger Soap This post serves as a plan to move out. I had to create one for myself, without much guidance, but I made it happen. These first time moving out tips are comprehensive and easy enough to follow. I chose moving out to help me heal and in my own home; I can say that now, my home! I have never been more happy and at peace. Q: Can toxic parents change A: Absolutely, however, I refused to be complicit and standby when the toxicity was negatively impacting my will to live. Unfortunately, instead of telling me that I had overstayed my welcome, from my perspective my parent was engaging in behaviors that signified that that was their home and they were going to do what they wanted. Upon asking the individual to change a behavior that was not only inconsiderate, but gross, their response was "stop talking to me like i'm your roommate." That remark put so many things into perspective for me and unfortunately, adults do things because they didn't have the freedom to exercise their authority and will as child. However, when dealing with toxic people and learning how to deal with toxic parents, the key is to realize that it's not about you! They are going to be and do as they please, therefore cutting off toxic parents is a method of telling them I will no longer be involved in your mess! Leaving home because of parents sucks, but on the bright side you have the power to create an environment where you children don't feel the need to run from. When confronted about my move, I told my sister that I would be screenshotting excerpts from my past journal prompts and sending them to anyone with an unsolicited opinion. While, I was joking, for a while I began to gaslight my self on what I experienced. However, thanks to my journal entries I have proof that what I experienced was real and my actions now are 100% warranted! Congratulations on the move-out in advance and remember that the change starts with you!
Never Going Back to Fresno: Moving out of a Toxic Household
When things started to get bad within my toxic household, I knew I needed out, but the method of how to get out of a toxic household was unclear to...
16 Low Stimulating Shows For The Chronically Overstimulated
Have you ever asked yourself "why do I get overstimulated so easily?" Well, allow us to provide a bit of insight. Overstimulation or sensory overload is defined as "a phenomenon where one feels an overwhelming sense of discomfort in the external environment (or sensory surroundings)" (Source: MedicineNet). Those that are experiencing overstimulated symptoms often feel anxious and a sudden urge to leave the stress causing environment. However, what do you do when you can't leave an environment that is causing feeling of sensory overload? Here are a few tips and suggestions to assist in understanding sensory overload symptoms, sensory overload in adults, as well as how to deal with sensory overload. What to do when overstimulated? Consider the acronym S-O-B-E-R. S: Stop O:Observe B:Breathe E:Explore R:Respond This acronym is utilized within the therapeutic practice of Dialect Behavioral Therapy (DBT). The SOBER acronym is helpful in utilizing mindfulness to reduce symptoms of overstimulation within the moment. First, stop! You don't want to react prematurely due to the internal feelings of discomfort surrounding your overstimulation and sensory overload. Next, observe. What do you notice about your internal and external environments? Babies crying can serve as a major sensory trigger for many, therefore identifying any sensory triggers is important. Following, breath! Breathing is critical when overstimulated symptoms arise. Focus on regulating your breathing. Lastly, respond. Responding verbally is not necessary, but if you feel inclined to share with others your feelings of overstimulation, they can assist and understand. This is also a form of self advocacy, which is important when navigating difficult situations. Ear plugs for sensory overload are also a great tool that you can utilize during moments of overstimulation. Signs of overstimulation in adults and overstimulated symptoms often go unnoticed and undetectable. Therefore it's important to equip yourself with the necessary tools and resources to navigate spaces where overstimulation symptoms may arise. What does overstimulation feel like? Restlessness and irritability Stress, panic, fear An inability to relax Anxiousness Overwhelming sense of discomfort due to external factors How to stop sensory overload and overstimulation? Cleanse your mental pallet and watch these low stimulating shows. We discussed the importance of brain breaks within our recent blog posts and included a low stimulating and relaxing Brain Break playlist to assist. We equipped you with the necessary resources to navigate the outside world and external factors that are overstimulating. However, we also took the time to create a list of shows to watch that are relaxing and low stimulating within your home or space. The bells, whistles, and loud noises of most modern day shows are entertaining to watch, but can be draining and require active participation. Are you truly enjoying the watch, if you're activated with each episode. With an uptake in triggering, violent, and hyper-sexual shows, a brain break not only with our music, but with content that we view is necessary. Here are a few of our favorite suggestions. Low stimulation shows: Little Bear The Berenstain Bears Bluey The New Adventures of Winnie the Pooh Franklin Reading Rainbow The Joy of Painting with Bob Ross The Golden Girls 227 Between The Lions Nature Documentaries Gilmore Girls Home renovation shows Little Bill Mister Rogers Jeopardy with Alex Trebek
16 Low Stimulating Shows For The Chronically Overstimulated
Have you ever asked yourself "why do I get overstimulated so easily?" Well, allow us to provide a bit of insight. Overstimulation or sensory overload is defined as "a phenomenon...