The Daily Glow: An E-space for Healing and Growth
Are You Traumatizing Your Hairdresser And Are They Traumatizing You Back?
"Sooo I’m a hair stylist of about 12 years. I love my clients, but do any of my fellow hair stylists feel like they need therapy after some clients trauma dump on them? Like last Thursday I left work feeling terrible and feeling like the things that were told to me are now my burden." (Source: Reddit Thread) One would assume that with an introduction of the new suite style arrangement, and marketing strategy based on a more "luxurious" feel, the client experience would parallel. However, unfortunately for many clients, they are met with Bible length expectations, procedures, and demands. Or an anxious feeling of not knowing whether they will receive the “hey girly” text moments before their appointment, signifying that they will have to scramble to find another stylists in such short notice. Or worse, for males, the fear of potentially witnessing a death or shoot out while in the shop chair. From the hairdresser’s perspective, they arrive to work with the schooling and expertise to tackle hair concerns, but instead are forced to serve as unofficial and untrained clinical professionals. What was once a mutual experience labeled “salon talk” has transitioned to individual therapy, an unofficial fight club, and mean girl central. Everyone has had enough! Salons were once a safe and nurturing space, but have gradually evolved into hostile and dangerous environments. Are you traumatizing your hairdresser and are they traumatizing you back, is a question worth exploring. Within this article we explore the methods to bridge the gap and equip stylists with the tools and resources to help their clients on a more holistic level, while also avoiding emotional fatigue. For clients, we provide you with the historical context and need for beauty salons as safe spaces and how as clients you can self-advocate and utilize your local salon as a resource without unintentionally inflicting harm on your stylists. Do Black Women Have Hair Related Trauma? The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) defines trauma as an event or series of events that causes physical or emotional harm, or is life-threatening, and has lasting negative effects on a person's well-being. Historically, Black women have experienced micro-agressions, blatant racism, and discrimination within the workplace and larger society related to the presentation of our hair. Within our community, Black women are often held to unreasonable standards, related to how we display our hair by other Black women. Texturism, which is discrimination to those with coarser hair, is often another widely held -ism, that greatly contributes to hair trauma. The constant discourse about perms versus natural hair has gone on for ages. Don't get me started on the "good hair" versus "bad hair" discourse. Hair is a source of pride for some and shame for others, yet, a central and safe space within the Black community was the hair salon. Salon's were the Black women's second church home. Women came to laugh, cry, sing, commune, dance, but most importantly they appeared with the intention of leaving better than they came. Beauticians were honored to impose a few words of wisdom, or spark large full group conversations. Salons were a community staple, but unfortunately Salon culture is shifting to a more capitalistic, cash grab, mechanical, and toxic experience. Yes, in the past you had to mentally prepare to sit for a few hours past your scheduled time, but the events within the salon, made the wait worth it. Now instead of preparing for a long wait time, you have to mentally prepare for the possibility of having to fight your stylists. Many of "these new stylists", as many like to refer to them, are inconsiderate, entitled, unprofessional, and care more about the profit than the person. Referring to them as "stylists" is intentional because many are unlicensed, but have mastered a few styles, booked a suite, zhuzhed it up, and are now wreaking havoc or paying clients. This article is not to bash beauticians or stylists, but to highlight a downward shift in culture and provide solutions. A few "old school beauticians" still remain true to the culture, the one's who would never expect you to come "washed and blow dried." Hello! The old school beauticians who offer suggestions for length retention and prioritize hair health, opposed to drowning your scalp in edge control and styling jam. We're losing the sauce in terms of salon culture, but Dr. Afiya Mbilishaka has provided a feasible solution to unite both client and service provider again. Where Do We Go From Here? Stylists have shared that they experience vicarious trauma and feel ill-equipped when their client's trauma dump or vent intimate and personal information during their appointments. Dr. Afiya Mbilishaka, a licensed therapist and stylists, created an eight hour skills-based, three course layout certification, teaching hairdressers hair history and the power of implementing micro-counseling into their business model. Psychohairapy not only supports the client, but also provides hairdressers with the tools and resources to make referrals, serve as a mental health advocates, and liaisons. Role playing is also included within the training, to work through various scenarios. Dr. Afiya Mbilishaka shares that due to a decline in mental health, hair is often neglected. Hair salons are the ideal space, to quite literally, meet people where they are at. Instead of forcing the beautician to extend their services beyond their scope of practice, resulting in an infliction of harm on themselves and their clients. Dr. Afiya Mbilishaka provides a certification to bridge the gap. I am not certain that we will return to a time, where the neighborhood booster is back in business selling knock-off designer in the salon, or enjoying neighborhood hot plates sold by the locals. However, we can implement practices and procedures to improve what once was and will be. They Target What You Can’t Change India Arie said it best within her hit song 'I am Not My Hair.'"I am not my hair. I am not this skin. I am not your expectations, no I am not my hair. I am not this skin I am the soul that lives within." White supremacy and supremacist culture relies on you hating yourself, including your hair. They target what you can't change, or shouldn't have to change in order to assimilate or feel safe. If you want to slick down your edges, wear an afro, have beady beads, or choose to get silk presses every two weeks, that's your business. The larger goal is to establish a strong self-identity and engage in unconditional self-regard. When You look Good You Feel Good Hairdressers, beauticians, stylists, and barbers are there to make you look and feel good, however, traumatizing you is not included in the core curriculum of cosmetology school. Likewise, they are not your therapist and are not obligated to hold your trauma or traumatic experiences. In graduate school I learned that "under no circumstance should you touch the client as a counselor" and because your hairdresser is not your therapist, they provide you with a level of touch and care in ways, that is often missed in the therapeutic space. After reviewing the article and learning about Psychohairapy, ask yourself "am I traumatizing my hairdresser" or as a hairdresser "am I traumatizing my clients" and "how can I contribute to a healthier salon culture?" Individual PsychoHairapy Certification:Get Certified Today Additional Reading: Ingrid-Penelope Wilson, Afiya M. Mbilishaka, Marva L. Lewis; “White folks ain’t got hair like us”: African American Mother–Daughter Hair Stories and Racial Socialization. Women, Gender, and Families of Color 1 October 2018; 6 (2): 226–248. doi: https://doi.org/10.5406/womgenfamcol.6.2.0226 Linnan, L., Thomas, S., D’Angelo, H. & Ferguson, Y. (2012). 13. African American Barbershops and Beauty Salons: An Innovative Approach to Reducing Health Disparities through Community Building and Health Education. In M. Minkler (Ed.), Community Organizing and Community Building for Health and Welfare (pp. 229-245). Ithaca, NY: Rutgers University Press. https://doi.org/10.36019/9780813553146-01 Pillay, Y. (2011). The Role of the Black Church, the Barbershop/Beauty Salon, and Digital Communication to Support African American Persons Living With HIV/AIDS. Journal of Creativity in Mental Health, 6(4), 340–350. https://doi.org/10.1080/15401383.2011.631461 Palmer, K. N. (2021). It’s More than Hair: Exploring Sociocultural Factors and Perceptions of the Black Hair Salon and the Stylist’s Role in Health Promotion (Doctoral dissertation, The University of Arizona). https://www.proquest.com/openview/bd329918ce676b4343a922c84f69d63e/1?pq-origsite=gscholar&cbl=18750&diss=y Battle, N. T. (2021). Black girls and the beauty salon: Fostering a safe space for collective self-care. Gender & Society, 35(4), 557-566. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/epub/10.1177/08912432211027258 Keywords: Black girlhood, justice, self-care, beauty salon, activism, inaccessibility, lived experiences, vicarious trauma, black beauty salon, Trauma Dumping, microcounseling, psycho therapy, Black Hairdresser near me, best black hairdressers Disclaimer: The contents of Sincerely Sanguine's (SS) Site, such as text, graphics, images, and other material contained on the SS Site (“Content”) are for informational purposes only. The Content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on the SS Site. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor or 911 or local emergency number immediately. SS does not recommend or endorse any specific tests, physicians, products, procedures, opinions, or other information that may be mentioned on the Site. Reliance on any information provided by SS, SS employees, others appearing on the Site at the invitation of SS, or other visitors to the Site is solely at your own risk. The Site and the Content are provided on an “as is” basis.
Are You Traumatizing Your Hairdresser And Are They Traumatizing You Back?
"Sooo I’m a hair stylist of about 12 years. I love my clients, but do any of my fellow hair stylists feel like they need therapy after some clients trauma...
Are Traumatized Women “Less Feminine”?
What does it mean to be “traumatized” or have experienced trauma? According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5-TR), trauma is defined as exposure to actual or threatened death, serious injury, or sexual violence. This can include: Direct experience: Experiencing the traumatic event directly Witnessing: Witnessing the event in person as it happened to others Indirect exposure: Learning that a close friend or family member experienced the event Repeated exposure: Being repeatedly exposed to details of the event An individual that is traumatized may experience distress and significant impairment. Everyone reacts differently to trauma, however many women have found that they are often incapable of identifying with “soft life” and “demure” culture because they display more culturally masculine traits, as a result of their life experiences. While masculine characteristics and feminine characteristics are subjective, those that have expressed an inability to tap into their softer and gentler side fault their trauma and upbringing. Those that have experienced parentification within their development, express that allowing others to lead and asking for help are difficult tasks to overcome. Parentification or parent-child role reversal, is defined as a child or adolescent placed in inappropriate and often burdensome roles to support or maintain the family system. For children and adolescents that have been placed in the parent and caretaker role, they often struggle emotionally and socially within adulthood. Many often experience forms of burnout early because of the responsibilities and expectations of their childhood. Stress is also often a contributing factor in one’s feeling of presenting “less feminine.” Stress is not only a silent killer, but can throw your nervous system completely out of whack. Those that experience high levels of stress are often in a constant state of activation and urgency. Chronic stress, which is pervasive, in comparison to Acute Stress has the potential to increase health concerns, meath health symptoms, and has a detrimental impact on one’s overall functionality and quality of life. How might Chronic Stress present itself and impact you? Body aches and pains Energy decrease Loss or significant changes to appetite Sleep changes Nervousness or feelings of anxiousness Changes in social behavior Headaches and Migraines and much more Stress management is not only paramount, but a survival essential. Many have often shared that they feel “ugly” or undesirable due to an inability to engage in self-care and self maintenance. “I’m stressed and I’m ugly!” As the saying goes, when you look good, you feel good. Make intentional attempts at incorporating moments of self-care and stress management into your everyday schedule. Pay yourself first! You pay a job with your time every time you clock in. You pay an institution every time you show up! What’s holding you back from paying yourself? Femininity can be a feeling and a mindset. Your feminine presentation may differ drastically from someone else's, which is okay! So, you're not the coquette, pink bow wearing type, does that make you less of a woman if you don't and more if you do? Life is a learning curve, and it's important to identify what works best for you. In my own journey towards understanding my own femininity and feminine presentation, I utilized these tips to lean less on what society deems as more masculine traits in an attempt to define womanhood and what femininity looks like to me. Even the bible says "guard your heart", but it's important to identify the distinction between avoidance and protection. Both present similar, but one is often rooted in fear, requires a hardening of one's self, and appears more on the defensive side. Are you often hyper-independent? Do you display traits of reservation, distance, and those of an enigma? Are you hyper-critical of yourself or others? Do you struggle with trusting others and asking for help? If you related to any of the questions above, I think it's time to reconnect with yourself. Explore where these traits stem from and identify if they are helpful or harmful? Ways that we tap into our feminine side and feminine energy: Movement Finding a good fragrance that makes us feel feminine Engaging in identity reformation and exploring harmful and helpful beliefs and ideals surrounding femininity and womanhood that we hold Finding empowerment and inspiration from our Sheroes (combination of she and heroes.) That embody our definition of femininity and feminine energy Avoid comparing ourselves to others and making attempts at not falling victim to the latest trends providing new and unattainable standards of femininity Self expression Empowering and complimenting other woman Smiling, when we want to, rather than when we are told to Complimenting and praising unique aspects of ourselves Allowing others to help us and not shaming ourselves after Wearing clothes that allow us to feel feminine and countless other activities and practices that make us feel beautiful, seen, and safe Many of us are in survival mode and are unaware. You are not more or less feminine for not wearing bows or the faintest hue of pink. Femininity is strong, assertive, powerful, but also gentle, meticulous, and free-flowing. Yes, you may have experienced significant trauma and events that altered how you present within and navigate the world. However, one's trauma history does not make an individual less or more feminine. Somehow we have weaponized femininity, when it's truly an individual experience. In closing, here are a few prompts to help you understand and tap into your feminine energy. Feminine energy journal prompts: How do you define your feminine energy? What does it look like? What does it feel like? How do others react to it? When do you feel the most feminine? The contents of Sincerely Sanguine's (SS) Site, such as text, graphics, images, and other material contained on the SS Site (“Content”) are for informational purposes only. The Content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on the SS Site. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor or 911 or local emergency number immediately. SS does not recommend or endorse any specific tests, physicians, products, procedures, opinions, or other information that may be mentioned on the Site. Reliance on any information provided by SS, SS employees, others appearing on the Site at the invitation of SS, or other visitors to the Site is solely at your own risk. The Site and the Content are provided on an “as is” basis.
Are Traumatized Women “Less Feminine”?
What does it mean to be “traumatized” or have experienced trauma? According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5-TR), trauma is defined as exposure to actual or...
Never Going Back to Fresno: Moving out of a Toxic Household
When things started to get bad within my toxic household, I knew I needed out, but the method of how to get out of a toxic household was unclear to me. For years I confided in therapists, close friends, and family members expressing that my toxic home environment was negatively impacting my mental health. "Just move out" was their solution, but how? Also, constantly hearing the question, "when are you moving out" irked me because these same people who were pressuring me to move out, would turn a blind eye, if I were to move out, fall short on the rent, and become homeless. Couch surfing and house hopping were not uncommon in my childhood, and for the first time in years I had a consistent place to stay. However, the events within the home were creating an environment unfit for children. As the eldest daughter and child, I did my best to speak up and seek help, but to no avail my concerns were dismissed. My professor once said "it's difficult to heal while, you're still in it" and this sentiment reigns true. Therefore, I am here to tell someone that moving out to help me heal was the catalyst of something great! I never imagined that I could move out of my toxic home, especially while navigating a toxic parent in adulthood. Yet, I'm here and I'm doing it and you can too! Growing Up in a Toxic Household Growing up in a toxic household fosters depression, anxiety, and other mental illnesses within the most resilient of individuals. For children, there is a sense of helplessness and a lack of safety. For individuals that are growing up in toxic households or within an environment with toxic people, secluded spaces such as the bedroom or bathroom become sanctuaries. Isolation and reclusion are also apparent in individuals growing up in a toxic household. For me I compromised eating to avoid the toxic people and activities within my home. For hours I would remain in my room, waiting for the "guests" to leave. I would avoid common areas and when spotted engage in quick greetings with minimal eye contact. They would attempt to partake in small talk, but I was uninterested and quite frankly they could care less about me and the happenings of my life. The new reality of the 21st century is middle aged adults living with parents. Adult children are living with their parents to cut costs and maintain adequate housing in an economy where housing and food costs are astronomically high. Nonetheless, these same adult children are forced to weigh the psychological effects of moving back home. When I was a kid, there was the stereotypical adult child that lived in the basement, played videos games, and remained unemployed. In a way many of us (in our own ways) are the adult child in the basement. Moving back in with parents to save money was my reality, after my freshman year of college I became a commuter and never left. Unfortunately, throughout the final three years of my college journey my toxic home environment nearly pushed me over the edge. However, two years after I graduated things started to look up for me. The individual that contributed negatively to my home environment, stopped coming around. I was free, or so I thought! To cope with and in an attempt at learning how to deal with a toxic home environment, I looked outside of the home. After, I purchased my first car and met a boy. While my toxic home life somewhat improved, the incessant arguing and door slamming contributed greatly to my anxiety and I needed out. I figured that being with that individual was better than being in my home and as a result, I laid my standards down by the river side and was laid up with a boy in his mother's house as late as 3am. The relationship between myself and the boy was toxic, unhealthy, and confusing for me. After taking a good look at the situation, I realized that he wasn't for me. I wrote myself a letter stating that if I never speak to him again, after a year from the date of the letter, present me will gift future me $500 to spend anywhere. Long story short, I bought myself my first Tiffany necklace with the money from the bet and I never spoke to that boy again. Which brings me to a great point, which I discuss in the podcast episode on the 'Not Another Think Piece' podcast. Dating while in a toxic household and navigating a toxic home environment is difficult, because sometimes you'll settle for new devils simply to avoid what's happening in your home. Instead of looking for a man to save me, which I was inadvertently doing. I started to form hobbies, which taught me how to deal with a toxic home environment. While working in a non-profit organization in Boston (the best job ever.) My co-worker and friend taught me how to fish, which taught me the importance of solitude, stillness, and patience. I also learned how to crochet, which showed me the importance of creating items from scratch. One week my boss allowed me to head home early for about 3-4 days because I was severely under the weather. Within that time, I felt compelled to revamp my childhood room. At this time, my youngest sister had moved into another room and for the first time I had my own room. With a fever, I stripped and repainted the entire room in 3-4 days, which allowed me to not only feel more comfortable within the space, but to also feel more inclined to post move videos on my Tik Tok. How to get out of a toxic household I categorized that year as the best year of my life and I have a video montage to prove it, however, unfortunately when life started to look up, terrible things began to happen in my toxic home. Yet, I took advantage of the opportunity at hand. Yes I was constantly triggered and forced to encounter adults that were fostering an unhealthy and toxic environment, but I was living rent free! I listened as others complained about rent prices and the perils of adulthood, and became complicit in the toxicity of my home. I was afforded the luxury of disposable income, trips, and adventures out the wazoo, because I was willing to compromise my sanity for fun. However, eventually I had to ask myself "how are you contributing to your unhappiness?" Two people approached me about moving in with them, however, in both instances the individuals were only looking for apartments for themselves. Also, in a way they were also attempting to escape their toxic home life and I did not want to serve as someone's ticket to freedom, and compromise my peace as a result. The roommate thing and sharing is not my strongest trait, therefore I was unwilling to compromise my peace, in attempt to provide someone else with theirs. I wanted someone to move-in with me because they enjoyed me, not because they were running from something else. After asking myself that question I had to get real with the fact that I was scared of leaving my toxic home environment because of the security and privileges that I was afforded. I had plans of buying a home and saved enough for a downpayment, however after an incident that left me in tears uttering the phrase, "I can't live here anymore" sparked my need to move immediately. How to move out of a toxic parents house/Tips for moving out for the first time: I lived alone briefly in college, but I never lived in an apartment or outside of Massachusetts for that matter. Once I decided that I could no longer deal with my toxic home life, I planned and I executed and here's how I did it. Step one: How to move out of your parents home with no money The first plan of action is to get money! I created a bucket within my high yield savings account, which is a savings account that pays you an annual percentage yield (APY), or what I like to call free money/interest based on the sum of money within an account. I titled the bucket 'Never Going Back to Fresno' inspired by Toni Childs in Girlfriends. In the episode where Toni, Lynn, and Maya are disclosing "secrets" while at lunch, Toni shares that within her 'Never Going Back to Fresno' account she has almost half a million dollars, as a security of ensuring that she never go back to Fresno. I saved upwards to $20,000 within that account, and never touched it. Q: How much to save before moving out of your parents house A: I aimed for around $10,000, but it's dependent on your area and anticipated rent and additional costs Step two: How to secretly move out Loose lips sink ships! If possible, tell only those that will be involved in the move. For your safety tell someone that you trust and who can support you during this time. The only reason my family found out I was moving was because I found a couch on FB Marketplace and I needed help picking it up. From then, the news spread. Upon finding out that I was moving I received an array of messages stating that I was going to regret my decision, once I leave I possibly can't come back (which is the hope), and that I was moving off of emotion and I wasn't thinking. Once I did move, I received secondhand notice that I abandoned my parent and that I now had an isolation issue that was cause for concern. A bunch of hoopla if you ask me. Tell only those that you can trust and if for any reason you feel that the move will become violent or put you at harm, seek the necessary help and resources immediately! Many of us have left or are in the process of leaving home because of our parents. I was told that I would appear "more mature," if I explained where I was going and it would foster peace of mind on my parent's end. Yet, I countered by expressing that hopefully when I have children I create an environment where they don't feel compelled to have a shotgun move-out because of the environment that I created within the home. Establishing boundaries with parents and other people during this time will be necessary and vital for operation finding place of peace. During this period of my life, I am not necessarily no contact with toxic family and family members, however, I am in no rush to reach out or return to my childhood home. Step three: Apartment hunting tips Apartment hunting websites: Craiglists Zilliow Apartments.com Facebook Marketplace Believe it or not, I found my current apartment on Craigslist! Always be safe, make sure that communication is clear and that if possible you tour the apartment with someone else. Also, if it's too good to be true, it probably is! When communicating with the listing agent or apartment owner, ensure that communication is concise and straightforward. Wrong message: Hi is this apartment still available? This is wrong because there is a lack of urgency, intent, and information. Right message: Hi! I am interested in touring the property! What dates and times work best for you? They may ask for pre-qualification information and conduct a credit check (after touring), but never, under any circumstance, give out personal information via messenger. Bonus tip: You catch my flies with sugar than sh*t! Be nice and courteous, but remember that you don't owe them anything more! Bonus bonus tip: Never give them your real phone number and personal email. During my apartment hunting period I always gave out a google voice number and utilized my school email. Questions to ask before renting an apartment/Questions to ask a landlord/What to ask when touring an apartment Is there a service fee to turn on utilities? If applicable, how much? Can I tour the unit that I will be staying in, rather than a vacant unit? Community Safety Total monthly fees Approval requirements and total move-in costs Escrow account for security deposit Internet providers you work with Move-in specials on units (for luxury apartments) How is rent collected? What's included in the rent? (water, gas, electric) How does maintenance work? How many times a year are inspections? Pet-friendly? Types of pets? Have you seen or received any complaints or concerns about roaches, bed bugs, and rodents within the past 3 months? Mail and theft safety Response time of landlord or leasing office? Cameras on the property and what are they used for? Lease break fee and process? (If you have a child under the age of 6) Is this property de-leaded? When did the de-leading take place? Who is responsible for snow removal and landscape? Parking and guests How are grievances amongst tenants addressed? Who is or are the point of contact(s) for tenants? Trash day and pick up process? Does this town or city require special bags or bins? Amenities within the unit and shared (if applicable) While engaging in the first initial walk through, make mental notes of damages or areas where you could become liable. Address them and ask if they will be fixed before move-in. Before the initial move-in date, conduct a final walkthrough to ensure that the unit or apartment is to a livable standard and the necessary changes have been made. While this is not every question worth asking, these serve as important questions to ask when renting an apartment. Think of this as your questions to ask when renting an apartment checklist. From my POV, when considering questions to ask when renting an apartment for the first time, these were heavy hitters. When you mention an Escrow account and de-leading, they know that you mean business. Also, through these questions you can gauge how involved the leasing office or landlord are with the property and tenants. During my period of moving-out, I was also studying to take my real estate exam. I have since passed and the information I learned while studying helped guide my search and line of questioning. What to bring when viewing an apartment Flashlight to look behind the fridge, cracks, and crevices for signs of mice droppings. You're also looking for the landlord special. The landlord special is when the landlord (or his crew) paint over areas of concern to cover and conceal. A pen and notebook to document questions and important information Another person if possible for your safety Dress business casual ID A smile A Camera What to look for when viewing an apartment The number of outlets and where they are located Visit the property early in the morning and in the evening to see who hangs around the property, how many people go to work, and the overall atmosphere. How you feel about the landlord or individual showing you the property. Do you get scammy vibes, if so, run! Noise levels Security Who comes into the building and out of the building Check online reviews beforehand If you pass a tenant, ask them about their experience within the facility Businesses and schools within the surrounding area Nearest police station Signs of rodents (traps and droppings) and bugs (webs and bug carcasses) Run the water of each tap, faucet, and spigot and access how long the water takes to heat up Look at your phone and check your service (is it terrible in certain areas of the house, or is it terrible overall?) Look at how well the facility is maintained outside of the unit (trash, dirt, unkept lawn, etc.) Be on the look out for signs of mold or poor ventilation in the bathroom Look for windows and how well the unit is lit with natural lighting Once you have decided that you would like to move-in and have provided the security deposit (if applicable), conduct a final walkthrough as stated previously and take lots of pictures. Take pictures of dents, scratches on the floors, chips, anything that they can blame on you when it's time to move out. Take as much time as you need! Emailing the pictures with a forwarding address for your security deposit is the next step! Q: Income requirements for renting an apartment A: They typically state, three times the rent. Q: Documents needed to rent an apartment A: Typically proof of income through pay stub or an offer letter. Landlords often ask to check your credit and may conduct a background check. As to comply with fair housing, if you are asked for a background check everyone is required to engage in a background check. Financial Tips for Moving out for the first time Save more than you think you'll need Live below your means and don't go broke trying to impress broke people! Consider all moving costs If possible ask family members to help you move to cut costs and pay them Ask more people than you think you'll need just in case Rent one size large than you think you'll need for a U-Haul Bring the more fragile items to the apartment in your car before move-in day Create a separate savings account for apartment expenses and only use the funds for their intended use Step four: Moving out checklist Before you officially move-out, about a month before you move out make mental notes (or physical notes) of everything you use and touch within your current home. Toilet paper, spices, ingredients within the fridge, toothpaste, etc. Doing this will provide you with the general framework of the everyday items that you will need when moving out. Unfortunately, I was too eager to leave and packed a month early. As a result I was sleeping on the floor until I was able to officially move and was living out of boxes. Tips for moving out for the first time Use FB Marketplace to purchase secondhand items such as pots, pans, home decor, etc. People were willing to give me a deal once I disclosed that I was collecting items for my first apartment. Also, don't be afraid to haggle. I am the queen of FB marketplace. Bad message: Is this still available? Good Message: Hi I am interested in this item? Is the price firm of are you open to the best offer? Also, which days work best for you in terms of pick up? Sell old items on FB marketplace! I sold my old futon bed frame for free and convinced the purchaser to give me a tip because I had to carry the bed down a flight of stairs alone and I tightened the screws for her! Easiest $20 I made in my life! Again, similar to finding apartments on craigslist, be safe and avoid scams! Assess the pros and cons of each place that you tour and don't hold back. For one tour I was told "if your car is towed, call the landlord" and the parking spaces in the back of the home were flooded because of poor drainage. RED FLAG! Read the contract/leasing agreement in it's entirety and ask questions Deep clean the apartment before you move your stuff in Pray over the apartment (if applicable) Take time to celebrate such a major accomplishment! Unpopular opinion: I believe in waiting until you move-in before stockpiling on cleaning supplies and other items because someone has to carry that in the move. Moving out cleaning tips: Pack and clean a little every day, that way you're not overwhelmed. Utilize FB Marketplace for free boxes and ask around Learn to close your boxes without tape (this was a major game changer for me) Get rid of what you don't need! Moving out for the first time check list: Things you might not think of but need... Tool Box Screw Set Caulk Toilet Paper Trash Bags Matches/Lighter Advil/Ibprophen First Aid Kit Band-Aids Hydrogen Peroxide Rubbing Alcohol Stud Finder Flashlight Drain Cleaner Batteries Printer + Paper. Wifi Fan or AC Safe Outlets Pens/ Stationary material Kitchen List: Cutlery (Spoons, Knives, Forks) Plates Bowls Mugs Cups Pots Pans Spatula Cutting Board Paper Towel (or Rags) Tupperware Oven mitts Strainer Grater Can Opener Baking Sheet Microwave (if not in-unit) Kitchen Scissors Tongs Skillet Tea Kettle Toaster Wine Glasses Dish drying rack Trash Bin Dish soap Moving out pro tip: A skillet serves as the universal cooking pan! Laundry Baking soda Bags or bin Detergent Cleaning Supplies: Broom w/ dust pan Mop Toilet Cleaner Sponge or rag Toilet Brush Plunger Vacuum Bathroom: Bath mat Shower curtain, rod, and hooks if applicable Towels Rags Toilet Paper Gloves Stool (if necessary) Toilet Brush Plunger Soap This post serves as a plan to move out. I had to create one for myself, without much guidance, but I made it happen. These first time moving out tips are comprehensive and easy enough to follow. I chose moving out to help me heal and in my own home; I can say that now, my home! I have never been more happy and at peace. Q: Can toxic parents change A: Absolutely, however, I refused to be complicit and standby when the toxicity was negatively impacting my will to live. Unfortunately, instead of telling me that I had overstayed my welcome, from my perspective my parent was engaging in behaviors that signified that that was their home and they were going to do what they wanted. Upon asking the individual to change a behavior that was not only inconsiderate, but gross, their response was "stop talking to me like i'm your roommate." That remark put so many things into perspective for me and unfortunately, adults do things because they didn't have the freedom to exercise their authority and will as child. However, when dealing with toxic people and learning how to deal with toxic parents, the key is to realize that it's not about you! They are going to be and do as they please, therefore cutting off toxic parents is a method of telling them I will no longer be involved in your mess! Leaving home because of parents sucks, but on the bright side you have the power to create an environment where you children don't feel the need to run from. When confronted about my move, I told my sister that I would be screenshotting excerpts from my past journal prompts and sending them to anyone with an unsolicited opinion. While, I was joking, for a while I began to gaslight my self on what I experienced. However, thanks to my journal entries I have proof that what I experienced was real and my actions now are 100% warranted! Congratulations on the move-out in advance and remember that the change starts with you!
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Discover the secret to living past 90. Cicely Tyson's memoir 'Just As I am' gives insight into finding the will to follow your dreams and live freely. Read now!