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Are You Traumatizing Your Hairdresser And Are They Traumatizing You Back?
"Sooo I’m a hair stylist of about 12 years. I love my clients, but do any of my fellow hair stylists feel like they need therapy after some clients trauma dump on them? Like last Thursday I left work feeling terrible and feeling like the things that were told to me are now my burden." (Source: Reddit Thread) One would assume that with an introduction of the new suite style arrangement, and marketing strategy based on a more "luxurious" feel, the client experience would parallel. However, unfortunately for many clients, they are met with Bible length expectations, procedures, and demands. Or an anxious feeling of not knowing whether they will receive the “hey girly” text moments before their appointment, signifying that they will have to scramble to find another stylists in such short notice. Or worse, for males, the fear of potentially witnessing a death or shoot out while in the shop chair. From the hairdresser’s perspective, they arrive to work with the schooling and expertise to tackle hair concerns, but instead are forced to serve as unofficial and untrained clinical professionals. What was once a mutual experience labeled “salon talk” has transitioned to individual therapy, an unofficial fight club, and mean girl central. Everyone has had enough! Salons were once a safe and nurturing space, but have gradually evolved into hostile and dangerous environments. Are you traumatizing your hairdresser and are they traumatizing you back, is a question worth exploring. Within this article we explore the methods to bridge the gap and equip stylists with the tools and resources to help their clients on a more holistic level, while also avoiding emotional fatigue. For clients, we provide you with the historical context and need for beauty salons as safe spaces and how as clients you can self-advocate and utilize your local salon as a resource without unintentionally inflicting harm on your stylists. Do Black Women Have Hair Related Trauma? The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) defines trauma as an event or series of events that causes physical or emotional harm, or is life-threatening, and has lasting negative effects on a person's well-being. Historically, Black women have experienced micro-agressions, blatant racism, and discrimination within the workplace and larger society related to the presentation of our hair. Within our community, Black women are often held to unreasonable standards, related to how we display our hair by other Black women. Texturism, which is discrimination to those with coarser hair, is often another widely held -ism, that greatly contributes to hair trauma. The constant discourse about perms versus natural hair has gone on for ages. Don't get me started on the "good hair" versus "bad hair" discourse. Hair is a source of pride for some and shame for others, yet, a central and safe space within the Black community was the hair salon. Salon's were the Black women's second church home. Women came to laugh, cry, sing, commune, dance, but most importantly they appeared with the intention of leaving better than they came. Beauticians were honored to impose a few words of wisdom, or spark large full group conversations. Salons were a community staple, but unfortunately Salon culture is shifting to a more capitalistic, cash grab, mechanical, and toxic experience. Yes, in the past you had to mentally prepare to sit for a few hours past your scheduled time, but the events within the salon, made the wait worth it. Now instead of preparing for a long wait time, you have to mentally prepare for the possibility of having to fight your stylists. Many of "these new stylists", as many like to refer to them, are inconsiderate, entitled, unprofessional, and care more about the profit than the person. Referring to them as "stylists" is intentional because many are unlicensed, but have mastered a few styles, booked a suite, zhuzhed it up, and are now wreaking havoc or paying clients. This article is not to bash beauticians or stylists, but to highlight a downward shift in culture and provide solutions. A few "old school beauticians" still remain true to the culture, the one's who would never expect you to come "washed and blow dried." Hello! The old school beauticians who offer suggestions for length retention and prioritize hair health, opposed to drowning your scalp in edge control and styling jam. We're losing the sauce in terms of salon culture, but Dr. Afiya Mbilishaka has provided a feasible solution to unite both client and service provider again. Where Do We Go From Here? Stylists have shared that they experience vicarious trauma and feel ill-equipped when their client's trauma dump or vent intimate and personal information during their appointments. Dr. Afiya Mbilishaka, a licensed therapist and stylists, created an eight hour skills-based, three course layout certification, teaching hairdressers hair history and the power of implementing micro-counseling into their business model. Psychohairapy not only supports the client, but also provides hairdressers with the tools and resources to make referrals, serve as a mental health advocates, and liaisons. Role playing is also included within the training, to work through various scenarios. Dr. Afiya Mbilishaka shares that due to a decline in mental health, hair is often neglected. Hair salons are the ideal space, to quite literally, meet people where they are at. Instead of forcing the beautician to extend their services beyond their scope of practice, resulting in an infliction of harm on themselves and their clients. Dr. Afiya Mbilishaka provides a certification to bridge the gap. I am not certain that we will return to a time, where the neighborhood booster is back in business selling knock-off designer in the salon, or enjoying neighborhood hot plates sold by the locals. However, we can implement practices and procedures to improve what once was and will be. They Target What You Can’t Change India Arie said it best within her hit song 'I am Not My Hair.'"I am not my hair. I am not this skin. I am not your expectations, no I am not my hair. I am not this skin I am the soul that lives within." White supremacy and supremacist culture relies on you hating yourself, including your hair. They target what you can't change, or shouldn't have to change in order to assimilate or feel safe. If you want to slick down your edges, wear an afro, have beady beads, or choose to get silk presses every two weeks, that's your business. The larger goal is to establish a strong self-identity and engage in unconditional self-regard. When You look Good You Feel Good Hairdressers, beauticians, stylists, and barbers are there to make you look and feel good, however, traumatizing you is not included in the core curriculum of cosmetology school. Likewise, they are not your therapist and are not obligated to hold your trauma or traumatic experiences. In graduate school I learned that "under no circumstance should you touch the client as a counselor" and because your hairdresser is not your therapist, they provide you with a level of touch and care in ways, that is often missed in the therapeutic space. After reviewing the article and learning about Psychohairapy, ask yourself "am I traumatizing my hairdresser" or as a hairdresser "am I traumatizing my clients" and "how can I contribute to a healthier salon culture?" Individual PsychoHairapy Certification:Get Certified Today Additional Reading: Ingrid-Penelope Wilson, Afiya M. Mbilishaka, Marva L. Lewis; “White folks ain’t got hair like us”: African American Mother–Daughter Hair Stories and Racial Socialization. Women, Gender, and Families of Color 1 October 2018; 6 (2): 226–248. doi: https://doi.org/10.5406/womgenfamcol.6.2.0226 Linnan, L., Thomas, S., D’Angelo, H. & Ferguson, Y. (2012). 13. African American Barbershops and Beauty Salons: An Innovative Approach to Reducing Health Disparities through Community Building and Health Education. In M. Minkler (Ed.), Community Organizing and Community Building for Health and Welfare (pp. 229-245). Ithaca, NY: Rutgers University Press. https://doi.org/10.36019/9780813553146-01 Pillay, Y. (2011). The Role of the Black Church, the Barbershop/Beauty Salon, and Digital Communication to Support African American Persons Living With HIV/AIDS. Journal of Creativity in Mental Health, 6(4), 340–350. https://doi.org/10.1080/15401383.2011.631461 Palmer, K. N. (2021). It’s More than Hair: Exploring Sociocultural Factors and Perceptions of the Black Hair Salon and the Stylist’s Role in Health Promotion (Doctoral dissertation, The University of Arizona). https://www.proquest.com/openview/bd329918ce676b4343a922c84f69d63e/1?pq-origsite=gscholar&cbl=18750&diss=y Battle, N. T. (2021). Black girls and the beauty salon: Fostering a safe space for collective self-care. Gender & Society, 35(4), 557-566. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/epub/10.1177/08912432211027258 Keywords: Black girlhood, justice, self-care, beauty salon, activism, inaccessibility, lived experiences, vicarious trauma, black beauty salon, Trauma Dumping, microcounseling, psycho therapy, Black Hairdresser near me, best black hairdressers Disclaimer: The contents of Sincerely Sanguine's (SS) Site, such as text, graphics, images, and other material contained on the SS Site (“Content”) are for informational purposes only. The Content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on the SS Site. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor or 911 or local emergency number immediately. SS does not recommend or endorse any specific tests, physicians, products, procedures, opinions, or other information that may be mentioned on the Site. Reliance on any information provided by SS, SS employees, others appearing on the Site at the invitation of SS, or other visitors to the Site is solely at your own risk. The Site and the Content are provided on an “as is” basis.
Are You Traumatizing Your Hairdresser And Are They Traumatizing You Back?
"Sooo I’m a hair stylist of about 12 years. I love my clients, but do any of my fellow hair stylists feel like they need therapy after some clients trauma...
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Navigating Spaces That Are Exclusively "White For No Reason"
Tik Toker @Accidentalastroboy discusses the power of de-gentrying your mind in an attempt to navigate spaces that are exclusively "white for no reason." Within the video titled 'Gentrification of our mind,' Accidentalastroboy provides examples of "white for no reason" spaces within television. That 70s Show, The Big Bang Theory, and Lord of the Rings were examples of shows utilized for strategic segregation and escapism. Escapism from Black, Brown, and Indigenous people. The Tiktoker, states "my money is my vote in capitalism," which informs what they consciously choose to engage with and support. One can argue against the necessity of Black-centered media, however unlike "white for no reason" spaces, due to exclusion, there was a necessity to create content that centered black life and experiences due to an identifiable deficit. What do you do when you do not see yourself in the media that you consume? Gilmore Girls serves as a prime example of racial exclusion and a show being "white for no reason." I can count on one hand the number of POC within that show, and less than three fingers are recurring characters. I attempted to watch solely for the mother-daughter relationship, but the white utopian feel made it nearly impossible, and almost painful to watch. Over the summer, I also watched One Tree Hill for the first time and identified that almost immediately the black male characters are solely there to push Lucas' narrative forward. A from rags to riches trope. The Black characters in many white-centered shows are only there to push the narrative forward or serve as props. There is an absence of depth, which sparks the question, what do you do when you do not see yourself in the media that you consume? Like a child, it is time to place yourself at the center of everything and finally serve as the area of focus. Degentrify your mind! How To De-gentrify Your Life and Place Yourself At The Center: Step one: Audit the media and literature that you consume within your life. Access the content that you interact with often. How does the content make you feel? What do you enjoy? What do you dislike? What improvement would you make, if any? How diverse is the content? Do you feel underrepresented? Do you see yourself or aspects of yourself in the media that you are consuming? Is the media a realistic representation of any identities that you hold? What themes do you identify? If there are people of color present, what roles are they in? Who is the writer, producer, etc? Are the distributors of the content and creators of certain characters within the media informed about nuances and cultural practices? After accessing and engaging in a comprehensive life audit, ask yourself am I at the center? If the answer is no, are you okay with that response? Step two: Strategically seek out what you're missing and enjoy. Don't settle for what executives think people of your race, gender, etc value I strategically avoid media that glorifies drug dealing, extreme violence and brutality, hyper-sexuality, and anything that exploits black trauma and engages in the degradation of the black body. The Wonder Years, The Upshaws, and The Ms.Pat Show are a few modern shows that I have watched that are black-centered that are not rooted in black trauma, exploitation, and abuse. When attempting to degentrify your viewership, be mindful of the content that you consume related to your identity. Constantly ask yourself, what is true? Are the beliefs that I hold informed by me or are they rooted in anti-blackness, racism, prejudice, bias, exclusion, etc? When I am searching for content for me, I follow the criteria of seeking something that's informational, family-friendly, thought-provoking, funny, intentional, and well-executed. We can use the show Good Times as a great example to display the decolonization and degentrification of your viewing experience. Colonized/Gentrified view of Good Times: I don't want to watch a show about poor Black People. I am not poor and I can't relate to that. White people think that all black people are poor and Good Times plays into that stereotype. Decolonized/De-gentrified view of Good Times: I enjoy watching family-oriented shows and Good Times is a great example of a strong family unit, an active and involved father, and a loving and engaged community. Despite their financial circumstances, the Evans family displays a level of integrity and love that is admirable. In many ways, I can see myself in certain characters and storylines. You hold the power and in small ways you can influence your reality. List of my favorite shows to watch that are authentically Black/Carribean centered: Girlfriends The Bernie Mac Show My Wife and Kids All of Us One on One Half and Half Eve Living Single In the House The Parent 'Hood Good Times The Parkers Moesha Sister Sister That's So Raven A Different World Fresh Prince of Bel Air Hangin with Mr.Cooper Sanford and Son The Jeffersons Amen Desmond's The Ms.Pat Show The Upshaws The Wonder Years (2021) Martin The Jamie Foxx Show The Wayan's Brothers Everybody Hates Chris Family Matters Pose 227 Is engaging in centering yourself as a BiPOC within your reality necessary? Not only is centering yourself necessary, but it's a vital means of survival. We are taught to navigate the world in a manner that is the complete opposite. We are taught to make space and to shrink ourselves. To love oneself is an act of rebellion. “One of the best guides to how to be self-loving is to give ourselves the love we are often dreaming about receiving from others. There was a time when I felt lousy about my over-forty body, saw myself as too fat, too this, or too that. Yet I fantasized about finding a lover who would give me the gift of being loved as I am. It is silly, isn't it, that I would dream of someone else offering to me the acceptance and affirmation I was withholding from myself. This was a moment when the maxim "You can never love anybody if you are unable to love yourself" made clear sense. And I add, "Do not expect to receive the love from someone else you do not give yourself.”― Bell Hooks, All About Love: New Visions This blog post primarily focused on racial identity, but consume content that highlights the diverse aspects of yourself. This is in no way instructing you to stop watching shows that center whiteness. I love to watch The Nanny, Young Sheldon, Gossip Girl, The Golden Girls and countless other shows that lack diversity. However, I prioritize and constantly rewatch shows where I am at the center. Watch shows that show appreciation for different body types, languages, hues, hair textures, and much more. Actively consume content where you see yourself and others, opposed to content that makes you feel othered. People of Color are people and deserve to feel seen in the content that they consume. Centering yourself does not stop at media spaces, but books, movies, music, podcasts, food, and so forth. What are you consuming holistically and how can you make it you centered? Add these identity and cultural vocabulary words to your word bank: Acculturation: cultural modification of an individual, group, or people by adapting to or borrowing traits from another culture. Enculturation: the process by which an individual learns the traditional content of a culture and assimilates its practices and values Assimilation: the process of becoming similar to something Disclaimer: The contents of Sincerely Sanguine's (SS) Site, such as text, graphics, images, and other material contained on the SS Site (“Content”) are for informational purposes only. The Content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on the SS Site. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor or 911 or local emergency number immediately. SS does not recommend or endorse any specific tests, physicians, products, procedures, opinions, or other information that may be mentioned on the Site. Reliance on any information provided by SS, SS employees, others appearing on the Site at the invitation of SS, or other visitors to the Site is solely at your own risk. The Site and the Content are provided on an “as is” basis.
Navigating Spaces That Are Exclusively "White For No Reason"
Tik Toker @Accidentalastroboy discusses the power of de-gentrying your mind in an attempt to navigate spaces that are exclusively "white for no reason." Within the video titled 'Gentrification of our mind,'...
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Neurodivergence: Understanding Autism in Black Girls and Women
Why are black girls and women under-diagnosed with ASD? Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) is often under-diagnosed or left undiagnosed within many Blacks girls and women. The article, Black and Latino Children Are Often Overlooked When It Comes to Autism, identifies that many black and brown families lack the language to adequately express the needs and observed behaviors of their children. Rentz states that, "African-American families tend to arrive at the center with lots of documentation detailing behavior issues from their child's school or social services. With all those official papers sitting in front of them, it's much easier for a counselor to think "behavior disease" rather than 'autism,' says Kelly" (Rentz, 2018). Black children are scrutinized for their behavior and their diagnoses are closely related to misinterpreted behaviors and implicit biases. Let's talk numbers and ASD? Did you know that In 2020, 1 in 36 children aged 8, or about 4 percent of boys and 1 percent of girls, were estimated to have autism, the first time the prevalence for girls has exceeded 1 percent, according to data from the Autism Spectrum Diagnosis Disabilities Monitoring Network The prevalence of autism among White children was lower than among other racial and ethnic groups How Black autistic women and girls are excluded from conversations on resources and research, spotlights Bria Herbert's experience and her journey to obtaining an ASD diagnosis. Herbert was the eldest of four children and shares that these roles "lent a uniquely weighted mantle to Herbert growing up, including more responsibility, higher standards and expectations of success. Academically, it was a rarity for Hubert to not excel." Failure was not an option, and as a result her perfectionist and tailored approach at life, granted her the tools to excel academically, but Herbert identified areas of great deficits, but failed to pinpoint the cause. While many noted that "nothing was wrong with her something was different enough that it caught the attention of her peers and family." Many Black people acknowledge identifiable differences within their social networks, without explicitly naming the "thing." Tik Toker Meccavelli, provides her take on the Autism within the black community, where she utilizes Uncle Pete from Soul Food as a reference. "You know he's special." "They're just quiet, and like to keep to themselves." "They're a thinker, they don't say much." As discussed previously, Black people are able to identify symptoms and behaviors, but lack the language and knowledge, but again, Black Girls, Boys, Men, and Women are now starting to become included in conversations and research surrounding ASD and neurodivergence. Herbert mentions that “other people definitely noticed, but just liked me anyway,” Herbert considered herself :one of the lucky ones" and thanked God that she was a cute child. Which brings up a larger conversation about how pretty privilege and physical presentation contributes to how we treat and interact with those navigating disabilities and disorders. Another statistical fact related to ASD is that 46 percent of autistic children face bullying, according to a 2012 study in the Archives of Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine. How does Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) shows up in Black girls? Traits of autism in Black girls: Self-sufficiency Reclusion Display of Maturity and independence early Routine driven Attitude or oppositional defiance Repetitive behaviors Overly clean and orderly Hyperlexia and more... Young black girls that are often misdiagnosed or under-diagnosed, are often considered perfect and easy children because of their ability to entertain themselves, mature, and orderly disposition. These same children, if lucky, eventually learn to adapt to the outer world and mask their behaviors and quirks. Many black girls go into adulthood, undiagnosed constantly feeling out of place and different from their peers. Barries to obtaining an ASD diagnosis and why it's important: Embracing difference is critical in fostering acceptance and the welcoming of Autism and neurodivergence within society. Young White boys serve as the comparative measure when exploring research and ideals surrounding ASD. This practice negates the differences and presentations amongst demographics and comparing black girls with autism to white boys with autism is not an effective measure. It's important to identify key experiential aspects of the autistic black girl experience from an intersectional lens to further develop research and practices. Barriers to ASD diagnosis and treatment: Cost Language Bias Limited knowledge and resources While most insurance companies cover testing, related to early intervention and support for children, adults are expected to pay thousands of dollars in assessment fees or spend years waiting for clinical trials and research waitlists that usually offer support at a discounted rate, rather than free. Autism-related testing fees rand from $500 to $5,000, many assessment offers for adults are not covered by insurance. Amanda Seales, shared within her Club Shay Shay interview that she has self-diagnosed with the ASD diagnosis. Many people took to Tik Tok and Twitter (X), expressing that her ASD diagnosis is a crock and without professional backing she's using the diagnosis to excuse what many interpret as oppositional and combative behavior. Dr. Chanda, a licensed Clinical Psychologist, backed Amanda and further supported the need for accessible assessments and shared that she is not opposed to people engaging in research to understand inquisitions surrounding traits and behaviors closely related to a diagnosis or disorder. Dr. Chanda discusses the Amanda Seales situation employing her expertise and opinion to provide context to the full interview and her thoughts on self-diagnosing. Through Warda Farahm, a speech and language therapist, insight into the power of a diagnosis in the context of family is noteworthy. Wanda shares in Autism in Black Girls that "despite being a Speech and Language Therapist who has worked with many autistic children over the years and having my own unique lived experience, medical professionals I have come across have told me that I can not be autistic because I have multiple degrees, run a business, have a big social circle. I am successful by the arbitrary measures that our society imposes on us but to achieve it all I have worn many masks, so I can master my environment." Farahm sought assessments for her children and in seeking out professional assistance, she received a diagnosis for herself. Professionals and many others prior to her decison, assumed that because She was high-achieving and successful, an ASD diagnosis was impossible. Black women are expected to show up as "all of the things", but mentally ill or suffering from a disorder are not on the list. There is power is discovering and obtaining the knowledge and information to name the "thing." Autism and neurdivergence are not limitations, but rather exemplify the power of difference. Herbet, Seales, and Farahm are sparking the a larger and necessary conversation that Black Girls do have Autism, and Autism in Black Girls shows up differently and deserves the necessary attention. Citation: Rentz, C. (2018). Black And Latino Children Are Often Overlooked When It Comes To Autism. NPR.org. https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2018/03/19/587249339/black-and-latino-children-are-often-overlooked-when-it-comes-to-autism Sterzing PR, Shattuck PT, Narendorf SC, Wagner M, Cooper BP. Bullying Involvement and Autism Spectrum Disorders: Prevalence and Correlates of Bullying Involvement Among Adolescents With an Autism Spectrum Disorder. Arch Pediatr Adolesc Med. 2012;166(11):1058–1064. doi:10.1001/archpediatrics.2012.790 Additional Reading: Gilyard, K. (2023, June 7). How Black autistic women and girls are excluded from conversations on resources and research. The 19th. https://19thnews.org/2023/06/black-women-and-girls-autism-data/ Lovelace, T. S., Comis, M. P., Tabb, J. M., & Oshokoya, O. E. (2021). Missing from the Narrative: A Seven-Decade Scoping Review of the Inclusion of Black Autistic Women and Girls in Autism Research. Behavior Analysis in Practice, 15(4). https://doi.org/10.1007/s40617-021-00654-9 30nine. (2022, December 5). Autism in Black girls - Autistic Girls Network. Autistic Girls Network. https://autisticgirlsnetwork.org/autism-in-black-girls/ Sterzing, P. R., Shattuck, P. T., Narendorf, S. C., Wagner, M., & Cooper, B. P. (2012). Bullying Involvement and Autism Spectrum Disorders. Archives of Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine, 166(11), 1058. https://doi.org/10.1001/archpediatrics.2012.790 Autism Speaks. (2022). Autism diagnostic criteria: DSM-5 | Autism speaks. Autism Speaks. https://www.autismspeaks.org/autism-diagnostic-criteria-dsm-5 Disclaimer: The contents of Sincerely Sanguine's (SS) Site, such as text, graphics, images, and other material contained on the SS Site (“Content”) are for informational purposes only. The Content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on the SS Site. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor or 911 or local emergency number immediately. SS does not recommend or endorse any specific tests, physicians, products, procedures, opinions, or other information that may be mentioned on the Site. Reliance on any information provided by SS, SS employees, others appearing on the Site at the invitation of SS, or other visitors to the Site is solely at your own risk. The Site and the Content are provided on an “as is” basis.
Neurodivergence: Understanding Autism in Black Girls and Women
Why are black girls and women under-diagnosed with ASD? Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) is often under-diagnosed or left undiagnosed within many Blacks girls and women. The article, Black and Latino Children Are...
