Are Traumatized Women “Less Feminine”?

What does it mean to be “traumatized” or have experienced trauma? 

An individual that is traumatized may experience distress and significant impairment. Everyone reacts differently to trauma, however many women have found that they are often incapable of identifying with “soft life” and “demure” culture because they display more culturally masculine traits, as a result of their life experiences.

While masculine characteristics and feminine characteristics are subjective, those that have expressed an inability to tap into their softer and gentler side fault their trauma and upbringing. Those that have experienced parentification within their development, express that allowing others to lead and asking for help are difficult tasks to overcome. Parentification or parent-child role reversal, is defined as a child or adolescent placed in inappropriate and often burdensome roles to support or maintain the family system. For children and adolescents that have been placed in the parent and caretaker role, they often struggle emotionally and socially within adulthood. Many often experience forms of burnout early because of the responsibilities and expectations of their childhood. 

Stress is also often a contributing factor in one’s feeling of presenting “less feminine.” Stress is not only a silent killer, but can throw your nervous system completely out of whack. Those that experience high levels of stress are often in a constant state of activation and urgency. Chronic stress, which is pervasive, in comparison to Acute Stress has the potential to increase health concerns, meath health symptoms, and has a detrimental impact on one’s overall functionality and quality of life. 

How might Chronic Stress present itself and impact you? 

• Body aches and pains 
• Energy decrease 
• Loss or significant changes to appetite 
• Sleep changes 
• Nervousness or feelings of anxiousness 
• Changes in social behavior
• Headaches and Migraines
• and much more

Stress management is not only paramount, but a survival essential. Many have often shared that they feel “ugly” or undesirable due to an inability to engage in self-care and self maintenance. “I’m stressed and I’m ugly!”

As the saying goes, when you look good, you feel good. Make intentional attempts at incorporating moments of self-care and stress management into your everyday schedule. Pay yourself first! You pay a job with your time every time you clock in. You pay an institution every time you show up! What’s holding you back from paying yourself? 

Femininity can be a feeling and a mindset. Your feminine presentation may differ drastically from someone else's, which is okay! So, you're not the coquette, pink bow wearing type, does that make you less of a woman if you don't and more if you do? Life is a learning curve, and it's important to identify what works best for you. 

In my own journey towards understanding my own femininity and feminine presentation, I utilized these tips to lean less on what society deems as more masculine traits in an attempt to define womanhood and what femininity looks like to me. 

Even the bible says "guard your heart", but it's important to identify the distinction between avoidance and protection. Both present similar, but one is often rooted in fear, requires a hardening of one's self, and appears more on the defensive side. 

Are you often hyper-independent? Do you display traits of reservation, distance, and those of an enigma? Are you hyper-critical of yourself or others? Do you struggle with trusting others and asking for help? 

If you related to any of the questions above, I think it's time to reconnect with yourself. Explore where these traits stem from and identify if they are helpful or harmful? 

Ways that we tap into our feminine side and feminine energy: 

• Movement 
• Finding a good fragrance that makes us feel feminine 
• Engaging in identity reformation and exploring harmful and helpful beliefs and ideals surrounding femininity and womanhood that we hold 
• Finding empowerment and inspiration from our Sheroes (combination of she and heroes.) That embody our definition of femininity and feminine energy
• Avoid comparing ourselves to others and making attempts at not falling victim to the latest trends providing new and unattainable standards of femininity  
• Self expression 
• Empowering and complimenting other woman 
• Smiling, when we want to, rather than when we are told to 
• Complimenting and praising unique aspects of ourselves
• Allowing others to help us and not shaming ourselves after 
• Wearing clothes that allow us to feel feminine 
• and countless other activities and practices that make us feel beautiful, seen, and safe

Many of us are in survival mode and are unaware. You are not more or less feminine for not wearing bows or the faintest hue of pink. Femininity is strong, assertive, powerful, but also gentle, meticulous, and free-flowing. Yes, you may have experienced significant trauma and events that altered how you present within and navigate the world. However, one's trauma history does not make an individual less or more feminine. Somehow we have weaponized femininity, when it's truly an individual experience. In closing, here are a few prompts to help you understand and tap into your feminine energy. 

Feminine energy journal prompts: 

• How do you define your feminine energy?
• What does it look like?
• What does it feel like?
• How do others react to it?
• When do you feel the most feminine? 

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